Helpers and healers of all kinds - physicians, midwives, doulas, childbirth educators, therapists, lactation consultants, support group leaders, and more - have had the huge task of supporting others through anunfolding, constantly changing pandemic. Other world events, including the war in Ukraine, and racist actions causing harm and violence targeted at people of color, have deeply affected us all. We are working with people who are looking to us for care and information through their complicated emotions and collective trauma while we are simultaneously experiencing that same trauma and processing our own complicated emotions. If you are someone who supports others, how are you supporting yourself? If you hold space for others, where are you being held?   

Maybe you already have self-care resources in your life - places that are just for you, where you won't feel guilty taking up space and you can access support and be re-energized. But in my experience, so many healing and helping professionals ask others to access self-care, and don't prioritize it for themselves.  We know burnout is real in helping and healing professions - many of us are watching it firsthand in our colleagues and friends. Compassion fatigue and secondary trauma as we navigate supporting people right now are at an all-time high. A significant rise in secondary trauma amongst health care workers since COVID started has been well documented. (Orrù, G., et al., 2021)  We need to be accessing care for ourselves if we want to protect our physical, emotional, and mental health, and if we want to continue to bring our fullest and best selves to our work and to our clients, students and patients.

There's a difference between "resting" and "crashing". Likewise, "self-care" and "recovery" are two different things. Self-care and rest are preventative, and proactive. We can plan for these things, put them on our schedule and be intentional about how to resource ourselves.  When we crash, we are teetering on burnout. We are in recovery mode.  We've already used up our reserves and we are running on empty. This is hard on our nervous systems, challenging for our families and home life, and does not support our health or happiness in the ways we deserve and need.

There are five simple ways to invest in intentional self-care and rest.

1. Put rest and self-care on your calendar

How many appointments are on your schedule right now?  If your phone looks anything like mine, your calendar app is packed.  Do you have personal down time on your schedule?  Whether it's a massage, coffee with a friend, or simply an afternoon nap on your day off, self-care should be on your schedule.  I would suggest that for every dozen things on your schedule, you should have at least one self-care event scheduled.  We all know that putting something on your calendar prioritizes it in a different way than just mentally planning to do it "someday". 

2. Move your body

Our nervous systems store stress and energy. Our bodies do too.  If we are working in high-stress, high-trauma environments, we may be activating fight-flight-freeze responses that we can't respond to in the moment.  Move your body to move this energy.  Go for a walk, it doesn't have to be fast paced, a stroll is fine.  Have a dance party in the kitchen while you cook dinner.  Jump on the trampoline with your kids.  Do gentle stretches before bed.  In whatever way is appropriate for your body, and abilities, do some movement.  (Put this on your calendar right now.  I'll wait.)

3. Get creative in some way  

A creative act has a calming effect on the brain and the body. Creativity reduces anxiety, depression, and stress.  Current research tells us that creativity boosts dopamine, helps our nervous systems calm and reset, and improves our mental health.  (Stuckey, H. L., & Nobel, J., 2010) Got some adult coloring books gathering dust?  Get them out!  If you have children in your life, you're sure to have crayons or markers or something colorful - grab those and the back of a junk mail envelope and doodle a cat with a top hat!  Scribble on a white board. Find some colorful paper and cut it into interesting shapes and tape it back together in a new way.  You're not trying to create the next Mona Lisa, just let yourself have fun.  (Did you add "Get Creative for 30 minutes" to your calendar?  Do it now!)

4. Practice mindfulness

I think mindfulness has been overcomplicated and gotten a bad rap.  You don't have to have a special cushion or know a bunch of mantras or be able to have a perfectly blank mind for hours on end.  Mindfulness is simply paying attention to the present moment.  Try this simple mindful practice for tuning in to the present moment with your senses:  Stop where ever you are and bring attention to your breathing.  While you take some deep breaths, name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste (grab a sip of water - look at you! bonus self-care points for staying hydrated!). You can also access a variety of mindfulness exercises sorted by duration, topics, styles and more on the Insight Timer app.  (grab your phone or calendar and add "10 Minutes of Mindfulness" somewhere on this week's schedule)

5. Seek out people or places that can support you

This is a place where you are not the one doing the supporting or leading.  Maybe you're into yoga, or tai-chi and haven't been to your favorite studio in a while.  There are specific support groups and communities (both virtual and in-person) for helpers and healers. I have led them for years and have seen first hand the positive results that come from being in such a space. Sign up for an art class, see if your library has a book discussion group you're interested in, ask a friend to commit to a "walk-and-talk" (you each take a walk in your own community/neighborhood while chatting on the phone every first Friday of the month.  Seek out opportunities to be supported or to get creative while someone else does the “heavy lifting” of planning and leading. 

Self-care and rest are ongoing

Yes, sometimes it can feel like just one more to-do added to the list.  But when you feel just a little more resourced as you head into your work-week, or when rest begins to come a little easier, or when you aren't feeling so frantic, overwhelmed, and teetering on tears constantly, I think you'll be thankful that you invested in yourself.  

Think about things that light you up and people who energize you, make a list of the things that fill your cup, and then add at least one of these to your calendar.  Then add another one.  Commit to yourself that every time you take on a new client, start a new class or things get more stressful in your job that you will ADD self-care and rest to your calendar instead of removing it.  There’s a Zen proverb that says “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes every day, unless you’re too busy – then you should sit for an hour.” I think that applies to self-care and rest as well. If you tell me that you don't have 30 minutes for self-care once a week, then I’m telling you that you need to make time for an hour.

It's tempting to think about self-care and rest as something we do so that we can pour out more for others, and that is one benefit.  Of course, we will be a better therapist, doula, educator, midwife, nurse, partner, parent, etc., when we are taking care of ourselves.  We can't give from an empty well, and so resourcing ourselves allows us to give to others in a more authentic way.  It models self-care to the people who are looking for support, care and information from the parents, patients and clients we are working with.  Every one of us would tell a new parent that self-care is essential, but are we practicing what we preach?  

In addition to that, or maybe even more importantly:  we deserve rest and self-care because we are humans who deserve to feel rested and cared for.  We deserve to feel healthy.  We deserve to find moments of joy in our lives and to feel strong in our bodies.  We deserve to thrive, not just be performing and producing and propping up others in the midst of all that we are experiencing.

I challenge you to add AT LEAST ONE self-care item to your schedule right now.  Send me an email or a message on social media when you do so I can cheer you on! Leave a comment and tell us what you added to your calendar! 

References

Orrù, G., Marzetti, F., Conversano, C., Vagheggini, G., Miccoli, M., Ciacchini, R., Panait, E., & Gemignani, A. (2021). Secondary Traumatic Stress and Burnout in Healthcare Workers during COVID-19 Outbreak. International journal of environmental research and public health, 18(1), 337. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18010337

Stuckey, H. L., & Nobel, J. (2010). The connection between art, healing, and public health: a review of current literature. American journal of public health, 100(2), 254–263. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2008.156497

About Crystal Gurney

Crystal Gurney is a community builder, listener, artist, and recovering perfectionist.  She creates community group spaces where people can practice things like self-care, self-compassion, creativity, and listening to our bodies and intuition.  Crystal has been facilitating group spaces for nearly 10 years and is a Master Trainer of the Group Peer Support (GPS) model.  She regularly teaches group facilitation and provides 1:1 peer support for Perinatal Support – Washington (PS-WA).  Her work is rooted in an anti-oppression & human liberation framework and uses a trauma-informed approach.  Crystal deeply believes that every human is inherently wise and creative, and that we all deserve access to authentic community, safety, and THRIVING. She lives in the Pacific NW and her favorite ways to practice self-care are walks with the dog and afternoon coffee.  Connect with Crystal through their website or on social.

• Facebook: @crystalgurneydoula 
• Instagram: @laidbacksparkle  

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